What to Do if You Are Married but Lonely: Tips and Solutions

Let’s start with one of the popular married but lonely quotes: “In a marriage, it’s easy to feel lonely when you’re right beside someone you love but who no longer understands you”.

Do you feel married but lonely? Marital loneliness is a common problem in lasting romantic relationships. Suddenly, one of the partners begins to feel emotional emptiness; women experience this more often. The bond weakens over time; partners almost stop talking and start arguing instead. 

Some signs to look out for include feeling unable to be with your partner, lack of genuine intimacy, and hiding your true feelings and desires. Such a condition can arise from many different things. The main ones are depression and anxiety. Also, this may happen if the partners have nothing in common: similar values or needs. If you often think: “I am bored and lonely in my marriage…”, don’t stop reading; look for an effective solution in this article.

Reasons Why You are Feeling Lonely in a Marriage

Before figuring out how to reconnect the lonely hearts of the spouses, it’s important to understand where loneliness comes from in a marriage. Here are several reasons, that we’re ready to share with you.

💔 Fear of your partner

In a marriage with an emotionally unstable person or even an abuser, feeling lonely is completely natural. “I am so depressed and lonely in my marriage…” When one partner is afraid of their soulmate’s aggression or inadequate behavior, they try their best to stay away and not initiate communication with them to avoid conflicts.

🙅🏻‍♂️ Mismatched schedules

If, for example, a wife comes home when her husband is already asleep and he leaves before she has time to wake up, it is not surprising that one of them feels lonely and married to a person who does not pay attention at all. Differences in schedules can lead to a serious rift — spouses simply won’t be able to keep in touch, which means they’ll drift further apart.

🗣 Excessive time apart

Let’s imagine that things aren’t so bad and husband and wife do see each other, but it happens for 20 minutes a day in between work and other concerns. It would seem that there is communication, but it is so brief and fragmented that the feeling of loneliness still lingers inside.

🙌🏻 Lack of emotional support

Are you married but lonely for a long time? Your daily communication is limited to typical everyday phrases, and you no longer share your feelings: either because your partner doesn’t want to be burdened by your problems or because you simply can’t be sincere with them. During it, you can still spend time together, talk, and seem quite a happy couple. In reality, the increasing distance between spouses provokes constant anxiety and frustration.

💛 Lack of intimacy

In couples where partners are married but alone, intimacy is quite a rare thing. In addition, even small signs of love and attention to each other can go missing: kisses in the morning, hugs, and walking hand in hand. This may seem like a small thing, but it’s important for maintaining a close bond between partners. Flirting and other expressions of passion are closely related to intimacy. If romance is long gone from the relationship, something else has surely come into it, and it is called loneliness.

🩹 Wounds from the past

Childhood traumas often begin to bleed into adult relationships. We subconsciously seek out partners who remind us of our parents. For example, if an emotionally detached mother raises a child, the grown adult will seek out a cold and indifferent partner. Such traumas are best worked through in personal or family therapy. A psychologist can help you deal with problems in a lonely marriage, built on the union of two traumatized individuals. 

How to Deal with Loneliness in a Marriage? 7 Ways How to Fix It

Feeling lonely in a marriage? We offer you 7 effective practices to help you deal with feelings of loneliness and fix your relationship with your partner. Try using these and you’ll see how your marriage will change for the better.

🗝 Allow yourself to be yourself

Accepting a lonely marriage is not a way to get rid of the problem. Allow yourself to be who you are when no one else can see you. This is also a useful method for determining who you truly connect with and who you don’t. Realizing who you are, and what your weaknesses and fears are is empowering. If the relationship is healthy, this method can help you find comfort and strengthen your union with your other half.

🗝 Open up to your partner

Showing your real self to someone can be very difficult, and sometimes unpleasant, and not safe at all. Try sharing your emotions with your significant other in the same easy manner as if you were telling an interesting story. Giving someone a piece of yourself will allow you to build a really strong bond with the person. 

📒 Note that people don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed when they are telling something to their pets because they understand: they will love and accept them regardless of their behavior. Do the same with your spouse; understand that they will not harm you because you are an important person in their lives.

🗝 Go on romantic weekly dates

If you feel lonely in marriage, spend more time with your partner. When you make an effort to devote regular time to each other and get out to a concert, exhibition, or just a coffee shop, there is no room for loneliness in married life. Weekly dates will not only help you share news and keep in touch, but they will also become a nice tradition and a meeting you’ll look forward to together.

🗝 Don’t forget the little things

When we think about how to improve relationships in marriage, broad gestures immediately come to mind. In reality, it’s much simpler than that. Even nice little things, if done regularly, can resuscitate a union.

💌 How to deal with loneliness in a marriage? Make your loved one coffee in the morning, make the bed, and pour water into the bottle they always carry with them to work. Such small acts of caring demonstrate love and respect. Gradually, your partner will notice these gestures and start pleasing you in the same way.

🗝 Find a common hobby 

The feeling of loneliness disappears when a couple begins to engage in activities together. Try picking a hobby that you both enjoy. Maybe you’ll love putting together large, complex puzzles, playing board games in the evenings, or riding bikes in the park on weekends. Even watching and discussing a new TV series together will strengthen your bond and, consequently, your marriage.

🗝 Learn to listen

People are not necessarily good together, even if they enjoy talking to each other. Nevertheless, romantic interaction can be more straightforward if it is complemented by mutual interest and understanding. Learning to voice your thoughts and feelings is half the way to success. It is equally important to not only listen but hear what your partner is saying. Try to put yourself in their shoes and take their point of view.

🗝 Ask for what you need

Being able to ask for something directly is a basic skill necessary for healthy communication, especially when it comes to relationships. Staying silent, ignoring problems, going with the flow, and relying on chance won’t get you very far. To achieve mutual respect and build a strong alliance, you should talk openly with your partner, share your thoughts, and not be afraid to express sincere feelings.

Conclusion

Are you married but lonely? Don’t hurry to draw hasty conclusions and break up the marriage. You and your partner can still have a happy relationship. Treat your partner as your best friend, and be sincere while maintaining physical contact between you. Spend time together, don’t be afraid to show your love, and respect your partner’s individuality and desires. Be there for each other always, not just in difficult moments. Work on your marriage every day, and then the feeling of loneliness will not hurt your family union.