Communication skills are not taught in school. Most people who think they are “unlucky in love” are really just not good at communicating effectively. The good news is that you can gain dating communication skills and improve your relationship while simply following some general rules. If you are in search of dating communication tips that really work, the following list of ideas and suggestions will come in handy for you.
Mastering dating communication skills suggests that a couple will get to know each other better, understand each other’s thoughts and feelings even if another person doesn’t say a word. Communication is the foundation of happy and long-lasting relationships. Yet, it’s not only about the way you say different words. It’s also about the way “how” you say different things, in what situations, and how another person understands you. Words can hurt more than a good slap to the face. So, our first and foremost recommendation to you would be to think twice before you tell something to another person. You may hurt him even if you do not want to.
The following tips will come in handy for couples who only start dating or have already been together for some time. No matter if it’s your first or tenth date, it’s never late to improve your dating communication skills.
Working Tips to Improve Communication Skills
1. Personal boundaries are the cornerstone of the science of communication. This applies to any relationship – love, friendship, work, family. Keeping calm and building personal boundaries in a way that feels good together is the most important thing in a serious relationship.
2. Speaking in “I-terms” (that is, about your experience, not fantasizing about a man’s intentions) is the second cornerstone of communication. Example: not “you are always late”, but “when you are late, I worry and worry about you.” Instead of reproach, you get a message about your feelings.
3. Stick to the facts – there are objective data and facts, everything else is fantasy. From the previous example: “you are always late” – has the person never arrived on time? If he appeared on time at least once, it is no longer “always.” “The guy showed up on a date in a crumpled shirt, which means that he does not respect me,” – you attribute your values to the actions of another person. The fact is that the guy showed up on a date in a crumpled shirt. However, it’s a fantasy that he doesn’t respect you. The boy may arrive in crumpled clothes, not because he does not respect you, but because the iron is broken or the shirt is simply rumpled during the day. Analyze your words and thoughts carefully: is it a fact or a fantasy?
4. Listen and don’t interrupt – let the other person speak to the end. You will have time to respond after he completes his statement. Listen and try to fully understand what the other person is saying, rather than looking for an answer while he is talking. The answer will ripen on its own when you fully understand the message.
5. Reaffirm their feelings – even if you disagree with the conclusions, the other person is sincere. These are his real feelings and thoughts. Give him confirmation in the form of the “I understand that you are upset” statement and repeat his idea, what exactly upset him (for example, “I understand that you are upset because I decided to go to a friend and canceled our date”) … Sometimes it is possible to restore peace in a couple with these simple words.
6. Refrain from criticism – most critics do not see the beam in their eye, but they perfectly notice the straw in someone else’s. If you criticize your boyfriend more than 1 time in 10 compliments, this relationship will not last forever. Communication should be positive and enjoyable, not a hassle. Avoid reminders like, “I told you!” The man remembers this very well, and he will probably heed the advice next time – unless you shove your innocence in his face. What’s more important to you: being right or being happy?
7. Give your partner love in the form he wants – we are trying to give love to the partner we want. Some girls dream of compliments or gifts and try to give them to their loved ones. But for men, as a rule, love is affection (intimacy and sex). It is better to give him hugs and kisses than compliments or gifts.
8. Express your needs – your partner can’t read your thoughts. Deal with it. If you want to receive something (gift, compliment) – ask. He will give it to you. But you need to ask positively and calmly, and not throw tantrums: “If you loved me, you would know what I need!” Men don’t take hints and don’t have to try to figure out your inner impulses. It is your responsibility to say what you want. If he is ready to give it to you, you will get it – simple, isn’t it? And if you are not ready, then you should not be offended – this is a personal right to decide what he wants and does not want to do.
9. Empathize. Empathy is the ability to understand and feel another person during communication, despite the verbal message. Sometimes the words say one thing, but the meaning is completely different. (Example: “Only this was enough for me!”) Autistic people have an extremely low level of empathy, which does not allow them to communicate fully. Low self-esteem also leads to the fact that a person becomes isolated in his own thoughts and feelings and cannot empathize. Empathy is vital to a good relationship. If you can understand how your partner is feeling, you know what is best to do or say.
10. Be honest – it’s impossible to build a good relationship based on lies and manipulation. My husband believes that honesty is the #1 skill if you strive to build a serious, lifelong relationship. Communication based on honesty is not at all harder; on the contrary, it is easier.
11. Express your feelings – if you don’t like something or, on the contrary, like something, do not hide your feelings. If a man asks what happened and you say, “Nothing!” he will behave as if nothing happened (and will do the right thing).
12. Master “body language” (non-verbal communication). Communication is not only about words. Some girls think that it is not clear to others if they have not expressed their opinion out loud. Words make up only 10% of communication, 60% is body language (gestures, postures, skin color, breathing rate, pulse rate, etc.), and 30% – tone, the timbre of voice, expression, and speed. Learn “body language” – not only to understand what your partner is transmitting (important for empathy), but also to express what you want, and not the opposite message. When there is an inconsistency between verbal communication and non-verbal communication, people trust body language.
When you master these communication skills as a couple, your romantic relationships will become much stronger and more promising in the long term.
If you dream of finding your soul mate and starting a family, start mastering these communication skills today.Make sure to also check the article: Wise date: how to date wisely.