A popular proverb says, “the falling out of lovers is the renewing of love.” However, fights can be serious and protracted. It doesn’t matter who you fight with – your husband, mom, or best friend – it can be very difficult to take a step towards reconciliation, and a simple “sorry” is not enough. How to get over a big fight with a loved one? We have listed 5 steps, which will help you quickly smooth out the conflict.
How people react to an argument
Some people feel comfortable under stress. They can talk endlessly about problems and sort things out. Others, on the other hand, avoid conflict at all costs. Still, others want to fix the problem immediately. They must make sure everything is in order as soon as possible (even if everything is really bad). Others refuse to control the situation and end any quarrel in the same way – with silence.
Research shows that men and women react differently to conflict. Journalists from the American edition of Personal Relations analyzed the situation in 62 cultural regions and found that men avoid negative emotions and conflicts more often than women.
Can sex help couples fix the situation? It works for men, but not for women. According to a study, men are more aroused after a fight and often use sex to relieve tension. Women, on the other hand, experience a quarrel even during sex, so they feel uncomfortable.
Right after the quarrel
The first step towards a truce is calm deliberation. Break the conflict down. You can use written practices, write down the pros and cons, and express your emotions on paper. This simple step is often very effective. It is important to exhaust the conflict to prevent new quarrels over the same reason. If something does not suit you, come up with a plan of action to discuss everything together calmly.
To see the situation in a new way, try switching. There are many things you can do to calm down. You can put things in order, do things that have not been reached for a long time, watch a film that has been postponed for a long time, or go to an exhibition.
If a solution to the problem does not come, you can chat on forum or with a close friend. It is not a fact that you will receive good advice, but you will be able to speak out and learn other people’s stories that can inspire changes for the better, if necessary.
6 Tips on How to get over a big fight
1. Don’t rush to talk
Talking about the problem is useless while the other person is still on edge. Even if you immediately say “Sorry, I was wrong,” and your loved one agrees with this, emotions will continue to boil, and the conflict will soon escalate again. Therefore, it is worth waiting until the passions subside, then calmly say that you want to talk. If the fight was really hot, try to talk in a public place, such as over dinner at a restaurant, rather than at home. Psychologists also advise to be careful and try not to have conciliatory conversations in front of children.
2. Give up the idea that you are right
Try not to focus on the details of the argument. From your point of view, you will still be right, even if you are not. Instead, focus on the other person’s feelings. After all, he is just as offended as you are, and he also thinks that he is right.
3. Mirror the other person’s position
Say out loud that you understand how he feels. It helps to focus on his needs. Let’s imagine that you went to a party without your husband, and it offended him. Say, “I’m sorry that yesterday I went to the party without you. I understand that you are offended. “
Many people do not want to apologize because they do not want to admit that they did something wrong. A good attempt at reconciliation is to say, “I’m sorry for upsetting you. I don’t see anything wrong with going to a party without you. However, it would be better if I didn’t do it because I don’t want you to get upset. ” Most importantly, never use the word “but.” The phrase “I’m sorry, but …” casts doubt on the whole initiative.
4. Do not be offended by your partner for his/her reaction
If you apologized and he said you really did wrong, just nod your head. The main goal is to take responsibility for how you made the other person feel.
5. Explain that you care
Also, tell him that you are ready to change your behavior. Look the offended person in the eye, hug him or touch his hand. Accept that it will take time for him to “move away.” Try to be empathetic and considerate. And after a while, make sure that you are doing everything right by asking about it directly.
6. Step six, spare
If the quarrel has become rampant, try to attract a third party who could reconcile you. If you fought with your husband, it could be a family friend, if with mom – dad. The main thing is that this is a person who loves both of you equally. He will listen to both sides, from his height, to see where both are right and where they are guilty and smooth out the conflict. If the quarrel is very serious, you can contact a psychologist. Most likely, you will only need one technique. The main thing is not to go there alone, but to go to him together with the one whom you offended and who offended you.
How to make peace with your loved one
If he is to blame, give him time. Talk about your feelings, trying to build a sincere dialogue. Try to refrain from criticism and accusations so as not to start quarreling again.
If you are to blame, you must apologize and admit that you were wrong. An apology on your part is important so that he doesn’t have any resentment.
There are always two people engaged in the conflict. The reasons for the quarrel may be very stupid and even funny. When you talk after you get over a big fight, you will likely laugh at the whole situation together. The things that matter are how to get back on track and behave right after the quarrel. The best advice is to calm down in order not to make things worse.
We hope that the tips and recommendations that we shared above will help you find a solution to the situation where you and your partner appeared. If you had a big fight, visiting a family psychologist for a consultation is always a good idea. If you have a close friend who knows you and your partner well enough, sharing some things with him can also work. However, avoid talking about some personal cases because it can offend your loved one when he learns about your conversation.
In the end, we’d like to remind you that words can hurt harder than swords. Think twice before you want to say something offensive to your second half.Also, you may be interested to check the article: NSA Dating and Relationships.